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What is a sponsor and how to pick one? By Greg F.

Blogs
May 17, 2025

What is a sponsor and how to pick one?

By Greg F.

When new in recovery, you won’t know the 12th step: “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts/alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Number 12 is the last step, as in, the one that you finally get to after going through all the previous steps. And part of it suggests “carrying the message,” which many group members translate into sponsorship. 

Don’t think of sponsorship as charity work. It is rather a vital part of working the program in order to remain sober. In fact, when the first two AA’s, Bill W. and Dr. Bob, discussed their reasoning for wanting to help the third member, Bill D., they first had to convince him that they were doing this to keep themselves sober. He wouldn’t listen to them before he heard that.

Basically, sponsors are people who will guide you through the 12 steps of your recovery program. They have no business judging you because they understand your struggles with addiction. They were once in your shoes. They are men and women who have experienced a spiritual awakening and will show you how to get free of your disease.

Unfortunately, 12-step meetings will only take an addict or alcoholic so far when it comes to finding relief from their disease. Certain steps require work that occurs outside of the meetings. A sponsor will show you how that work should be done.

All you have to be is honest and willing to take suggestions. Nothing to it.

How do I pick one?

Here are five things to consider when choosing a sponsor:

 

1. I like what they have to say. –– We might not have enough information about someone to choose them as a sponsor, except for what they shared during the meeting. This is actually good enough for a start.

 

2. Do they have something I want? –– You may hear this said at 12step meetings about choosing a sponsor. Think in terms of spiritual wants more than material possessions. Do you want the peace that they radiate from their sobriety?

 

3. Choose based on gender. –– When choosing a sponsor, generally, men sponsor men, and women sponsor women. Why? To avoid romance, which would complicate things and compromise early sobriety.
 
4. Did they approach you? –– If a group member gives you their phone number after a meeting, there’s a good chance that they are actively seeking a sponsee. This may be the right person to ask. It’s worth a phone call.

 

5. Ask for help. –– If all else fails, share in a meeting that you are new and need a sponsor. Or, simply go to the moderator before or after the meeting and introduce yourself. More than likely, you’ll be directed to the right person.

 

The three principles of 12-step group membership are Recovery, Unity, and Service. Sponsorship is one of the best ways a group member who has been through the steps can be of service to others.

 

Each time a sponsor takes a sponsee through the steps, they strengthen their own recovery by deepening their understanding of the program.

About the author:

Greg F. recently celebrated eight years free from drugs and alcohol. He has contributed to The Grove social media accounts in the past and served as a writing intern for The Grove in the fall of 2024, working toward a master’s degree in English from Southeastern Louisiana University. He is the author of two self-published books and a big fan of Gretsch Guitars.